jan 18, 2010, monday, Hey guys,
before ue start reading, listen to this song on youtube, really! Stevem curtis chapman's cinderalla. thanks!
Hey, hahas i havent been doing well, living well, whatever... ue name it. i have been in quite a mess lately, cant make decisions in life, im leavin for a period of time, need sometime alone... i need to keep my doors shut for awhile, i tink this time, this blow, really will cause me to change, friends, best friends, yea, ue name it, ue call it... at the end of the day, it really looks as if im really gonna die alone, hahas im going to mia for 3 days, then see how i picked myself up, if it doesnt helps... hahas who noes wat will happen? ... everyone since to be doing well in life without me, i can really let go le, they all grown up so fast, im already turning 15, sometimes the closest of friends cannot even remember ur bday, watever... it doesnt matter, its only "my" bday... its quite forgettable. hahas fanny's doing quite well, although i hope she would make wiser decisions, but she's doing quite well without me... jy. Ozm and sam, they are doing fine, realising that education is very important to them, thats good, wei jie's starting to see the other side of life, his great, hui min, hahas she's doing fine... jy! Venus, she starting to ignore me, hahas well .. .she never did needed me anyway=)... yue ling, she's smiling as much as ever, growing each day, experiencing life in a different expect, she's awesome. jun zhou, hahas im so glad he found his lover, hahas. Eugene lim, his learning how to mix and match, cool! wayne is catching up too. Charmaine? she's adorable as ever, sure man killer next time=) hahas. wess, chiu wen, hahas O levels for them was a turning point! buck up!=), Xiao si , ( si hui ) hahas did badly in o level's but who cares? life doesnt end there... bring up your faith. hahas=) erika, im sure she would find someone she likes someday, jeremy, gary , james and chee pang, are beginning to grow up and realising that life isnt a bed of roses.. i wish them best of luck, not to forget joshua, i wish ue guys all the best, lastly, audrey, not being able to love ue is bad enough, now ... i cant even like ue... its ok, im not ready to let go, but i guess i have to, the world we live in is repelling us, hahas, ue were never the type that would made decisions, i really hope ue and fanny would make wise decision, ur smile, i could never forget, maybe because of this smile, il never be able to love again, never be able to trust women again, ue would never noe how much ue meant, how much i care. people never knew, how to love and cherish till they are gone. looking back. i know samuel for 9 years, hahas wow, im getting old... this bond we built, sure there are ups and downs, ultimately, when ue close ur eyes, hold ur breath for that 3 seconds hear the rain drops, ue''ll know, life can't move on, if ur only imagining it, for that 3 seconds, everythings seems o go away, nothing seems to be there, nothing. But when ue open ur eyes, ue'll see alot of things, some nice and some bad, you can never choose, everyday ue leave the house, with no assurance you'll come back the same day, tats how i leave everyday, everytime i see or meet someone, i look at them as if it would be my last look at them, i miss them the moment i walk away, because i noe, that although the chances are not high, il die, hahas. Emo man.... but lets face facts, what if one day, ue decided to call bryan, ue realised he never picked up his phone,ue thought to urself( maybe his busy, ignoring me, sad? who knows, the factors are high.) ue give up calling, few days later , the same thing happens, now curiousity is starting to run through u and ur body, few weeks went by, months, and finally ue got an sms tat says: Dear Friends of Bryan, i am disheartend to annonounce to ue, that my beloved son bryan, is gone, he passed away a few days ago.......... thanks. you glared at that sms for a moment thinking its a joke, ue called the person who sent you this sms, the person who answered was crying ue tell urself, its not real its not the truth, and when the person affirms it, ue thanked him/her hang up, and just stay still or probably ue will sit down, for tat few seconds and mins , pictures and images of you spending time with bryan run through ur head, crying, you attended the funeral, seeing loads of bryan's so called friends there, crying , grieving, regretting, ue guys sit down and talk about how bryan was, what he did, what he love, everything and anything about bryan, for that few hours, but then.... ue guys stopped and ask each other, how much do we know about him? his secrets, his feelings, he took it all with him, to death, he never let any of his friends worried or sad for him. we never knew his problems in fact, when did bryan ever once did mention his got problems, beyond that smile and the irratatingness, is a crush broken soul, laying in the rain. waiting for someone to pick it up. for tat few seconds, everyone was silent, tears rolled down all ur eyes, few months later, on a random day, when ue were doing ur stuff, ue decided to call bryan and ask him for advice like how ue always been or maybe ue quarrel with someone important to ue and the first person ue thought of to call was bryan, someone who would give ue advice, an wei you, hug ue, tell ue its ok, he's there for you, you called him, expecting bryan to immediately answer the phone with a loud HI! HOW UE?! only to hear... Dear customers, this line is no longer in servie, thank you. *beep *beep..... ue were shocked... for that few seconds while ue still hearing the beeping sound of ur phone, ur eyes were big, ue glared out the window, ue suddenly remembered, bryan is no longer there..... you go... " oh ya... his dead." tears rolled down your eyes, some people always says i leave a big in pact in them, but i really wonder,how many really meant it. il never know, because il be dead then. emo sia bryan..... hahas. yea thats it. im stopping, thanks guys. love ue all. Bryan. song of the day
( cinderalla, Steven curtis chapman.)
