what a disaster,
april 06 2009, monday,
hey peeps havent been updating yea? Maybe because im getting busy , will update ue guys on events ue missed alright? wa sian its 8.30 and that person just came back, dun wan say who but its like damn obvious, the first he said when he came home was can ue change uer sleeping clothes once every 5 days? that made me so du lan, spoil my mood, then then i orh by not looking at him he say HELLO???!! can show me some response? dun make me look like im talking to the wall can? Du lan liao right? for no reason he sort of like meantally attacked me, of cause being a kid wat can i do? Tolerate lor then wat? talk back? then he will talk even more, add on to my suffering? if i told him this he will think like this, if ue tink this is suffering then dun talk lor, then rant and walk off, expected, of coz i didnt, who would be dumb to do something uel expect to happen, then worst, he after a few mintues randomly talk to me again, guess waT? as usual not a good word its like 10 sentence he says 1sentence he says will be a good wan and the chance of it happening is 1% which is totally expected, this is wat he told me, actually sunday by right you cannot go out wan, its already very good i never give ue time to come back, i never tout of saying this i fucking hell almost lose my fucking temper, i respond, dun go out then stay at home do wat? ( i didnt say finish , stay at home do wat part, it should be Stay at home do wat? see ur face or see ur attitude, or hear wat ue wan to say? ) then he say nothing to do? i can list out a list of things ue can and should do, like tiding ur cupboard and stuffs in "my" room, hm... can someone give me the Fucking defination of the word "my"? i seriously dunnoe wat it means, he says please tidy up "your" room, so is he indicating that the room is mine? but if talk back and say the room is mine so why the fuck do ue care? he would say but the house is mine. so i never really knew wat the word "my" means, then he goes off to say that if people come house see ue not paiseh arhs? il say? then do wat ue always do, close my room door, ue see wherever my friends come my house i must close or lock his door, his afraid that they might still his things, i use to be in a bad company of friend circle. that never happens when his friends come he came to a conclusion that his friends will never steal his stuff because their working and can afford the stuff, you know the funny thing in life is that sometimes ue wan stuff that ue never get and then when ue got it ue became sick of it, when i was a young boy i always wanted the family to stay together and eat, its a very rare occasion, but now i jus dread those kind of gathering, why? because i usually become the topic for discussion, and i dun like it, not because of tat because usually its something negative about me, nowadays, i really dunnoe why life is such a joke, im so serious about it, i look at my sister everytime and the thought that came to my mind is, can she take the burden im carrying now? sometimes i cry, people say bryan ur fortunate, RIGHT. FORTUNATE. yea true i can go anywhere i like, so wat? first time in my life i got second in class so wat? first time in 5 years i got 4 A's SO WAT? at the end of the day, they are just papers, i tell ue the only wan which from wat i see, truly happy that i got 4A's is my grandmother, she was so proud of me, i could feel it, ever since CA she came and hug me and kiss me everyday, somehow i could feel that she is telling me keep up the good work, ah mah love ue, could feel it, the feeling, although i responded AIYO Ni Zai Zhuo She me?! but that feeling was truely wat encourage me that i should do better , i could see what i inherited from my grandmother, helping others, but keeping my own problems to myself, beliving i can solve it myself, beliving that it will hurt or trouble people if i do tell them, sometimes, i jus kept it to myself, see even till now, i can even or i dun even dare to say im tired, or depressed, or stress, WHY? hahahahas... because someone will confront me, today, during selva lesson, li shuai using handphone then selva eyeing him i keep telling him stop usin selva will take wan, til selva send me out, he said, BRYAN! WHOLE LESSON UE NEVER PAY ATTENTION, UE GET OUT NOW, I walk out swallowing everything, then he said are ue even interested in learning? wa fucking shebye i cannot liao, BUEY TA HAN LIAO, I look at him, do ue tink .... i...look.... like... i ... care?then i say, WHO IN THE CLASS IS INTERESTED RAISE UP UR HAND?NOBODY? OH OKAY, then take my bag and leave the class, then he said SHOW NO RESPECT, i say show ue respect? ... for wat? ... leave class go basketball court, then slack there for awhile till class over, then go maths class selva came to talk to me a rather nice man , but i was in no mood for a talk, talk over go do my maths, study till sku end slack at mac cause raining like hell lor. then came home. if ue ask me wat is one thing im afraid of in my life, i would say, that my grandmother would 1 day pass away, i wouldnt noe wat to do.. my life would be a screw up, nobody To bitch me up in the morning, ot rush me to go sku, to tell me she cooked lunch, to tell me its raining dun go home in the rain, to call me and ask if i have taken dinner anot? to steal pen and stationary from her workplace for me to use? to buy dinner for me, to worry for me. to cry for me, i seldom see my grandmother cry in my life i only seen her cry 2 times, 1 when i was really overboard and made her cry, second is when everybody was deciding to send me to my fathers place, i was from a broken family, but that has never affected the way i live, no one has every laugh that i had no father, and the fact is, it never really bother me alot, the first time i see her cry i FUCKING CANNOT TOLERATE EVEN TILL NOW I REMEMBER. tinking about it i cry, she was sitting on the window edge at the end of the house, near the window, then as a kid i dunnoe anything, i was only 5~7 then i didnt noe anything except the fact tat they had a dispute, my uncle was telling me go sleep in my room, it was still morning and i walk towards my grandmother, eyes full of tears, saying Ah Wei, Guai, Qu Shiu Jiao, Ah Mah Bang ni OK? Bryan , Good, god sleep, grandma help ue ok?.... i didnt anything all i could do is promise her i will and i went to sleep, as i aged, i start to understand wat happen tat day, everyone treat it as it never happen, but till now i stil remember, to her, she is encouragement, her death, is my fear, who knowS? i might just suddenly change, k dun tink too much le bryan, go sleep, nights.
hey peeps havent been updating yea? Maybe because im getting busy , will update ue guys on events ue missed alright? wa sian its 8.30 and that person just came back, dun wan say who but its like damn obvious, the first he said when he came home was can ue change uer sleeping clothes once every 5 days? that made me so du lan, spoil my mood, then then i orh by not looking at him he say HELLO???!! can show me some response? dun make me look like im talking to the wall can? Du lan liao right? for no reason he sort of like meantally attacked me, of cause being a kid wat can i do? Tolerate lor then wat? talk back? then he will talk even more, add on to my suffering? if i told him this he will think like this, if ue tink this is suffering then dun talk lor, then rant and walk off, expected, of coz i didnt, who would be dumb to do something uel expect to happen, then worst, he after a few mintues randomly talk to me again, guess waT? as usual not a good word its like 10 sentence he says 1sentence he says will be a good wan and the chance of it happening is 1% which is totally expected, this is wat he told me, actually sunday by right you cannot go out wan, its already very good i never give ue time to come back, i never tout of saying this i fucking hell almost lose my fucking temper, i respond, dun go out then stay at home do wat? ( i didnt say finish , stay at home do wat part, it should be Stay at home do wat? see ur face or see ur attitude, or hear wat ue wan to say? ) then he say nothing to do? i can list out a list of things ue can and should do, like tiding ur cupboard and stuffs in "my" room, hm... can someone give me the Fucking defination of the word "my"? i seriously dunnoe wat it means, he says please tidy up "your" room, so is he indicating that the room is mine? but if talk back and say the room is mine so why the fuck do ue care? he would say but the house is mine. so i never really knew wat the word "my" means, then he goes off to say that if people come house see ue not paiseh arhs? il say? then do wat ue always do, close my room door, ue see wherever my friends come my house i must close or lock his door, his afraid that they might still his things, i use to be in a bad company of friend circle. that never happens when his friends come he came to a conclusion that his friends will never steal his stuff because their working and can afford the stuff, you know the funny thing in life is that sometimes ue wan stuff that ue never get and then when ue got it ue became sick of it, when i was a young boy i always wanted the family to stay together and eat, its a very rare occasion, but now i jus dread those kind of gathering, why? because i usually become the topic for discussion, and i dun like it, not because of tat because usually its something negative about me, nowadays, i really dunnoe why life is such a joke, im so serious about it, i look at my sister everytime and the thought that came to my mind is, can she take the burden im carrying now? sometimes i cry, people say bryan ur fortunate, RIGHT. FORTUNATE. yea true i can go anywhere i like, so wat? first time in my life i got second in class so wat? first time in 5 years i got 4 A's SO WAT? at the end of the day, they are just papers, i tell ue the only wan which from wat i see, truly happy that i got 4A's is my grandmother, she was so proud of me, i could feel it, ever since CA she came and hug me and kiss me everyday, somehow i could feel that she is telling me keep up the good work, ah mah love ue, could feel it, the feeling, although i responded AIYO Ni Zai Zhuo She me?! but that feeling was truely wat encourage me that i should do better , i could see what i inherited from my grandmother, helping others, but keeping my own problems to myself, beliving i can solve it myself, beliving that it will hurt or trouble people if i do tell them, sometimes, i jus kept it to myself, see even till now, i can even or i dun even dare to say im tired, or depressed, or stress, WHY? hahahahas... because someone will confront me, today, during selva lesson, li shuai using handphone then selva eyeing him i keep telling him stop usin selva will take wan, til selva send me out, he said, BRYAN! WHOLE LESSON UE NEVER PAY ATTENTION, UE GET OUT NOW, I walk out swallowing everything, then he said are ue even interested in learning? wa fucking shebye i cannot liao, BUEY TA HAN LIAO, I look at him, do ue tink .... i...look.... like... i ... care?then i say, WHO IN THE CLASS IS INTERESTED RAISE UP UR HAND?NOBODY? OH OKAY, then take my bag and leave the class, then he said SHOW NO RESPECT, i say show ue respect? ... for wat? ... leave class go basketball court, then slack there for awhile till class over, then go maths class selva came to talk to me a rather nice man , but i was in no mood for a talk, talk over go do my maths, study till sku end slack at mac cause raining like hell lor. then came home. if ue ask me wat is one thing im afraid of in my life, i would say, that my grandmother would 1 day pass away, i wouldnt noe wat to do.. my life would be a screw up, nobody To bitch me up in the morning, ot rush me to go sku, to tell me she cooked lunch, to tell me its raining dun go home in the rain, to call me and ask if i have taken dinner anot? to steal pen and stationary from her workplace for me to use? to buy dinner for me, to worry for me. to cry for me, i seldom see my grandmother cry in my life i only seen her cry 2 times, 1 when i was really overboard and made her cry, second is when everybody was deciding to send me to my fathers place, i was from a broken family, but that has never affected the way i live, no one has every laugh that i had no father, and the fact is, it never really bother me alot, the first time i see her cry i FUCKING CANNOT TOLERATE EVEN TILL NOW I REMEMBER. tinking about it i cry, she was sitting on the window edge at the end of the house, near the window, then as a kid i dunnoe anything, i was only 5~7 then i didnt noe anything except the fact tat they had a dispute, my uncle was telling me go sleep in my room, it was still morning and i walk towards my grandmother, eyes full of tears, saying Ah Wei, Guai, Qu Shiu Jiao, Ah Mah Bang ni OK? Bryan , Good, god sleep, grandma help ue ok?.... i didnt anything all i could do is promise her i will and i went to sleep, as i aged, i start to understand wat happen tat day, everyone treat it as it never happen, but till now i stil remember, to her, she is encouragement, her death, is my fear, who knowS? i might just suddenly change, k dun tink too much le bryan, go sleep, nights.
posted by BuLaiEn at
5:27 AM
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